Last Year's Aidilfitri

Now the story of my previous year Aidilfitri. Last year, my bf promised me to come to my house with his family after i gave him so called "date line". My mak and ayah dah ok. They happy la because my bf will come to my house.

2 days before Raya, i text him to ask la. He also at his hometown, satu negeri with me pun..bukan timur & barat or Utara and Selatan pun. Tak la jauh pun. Then he reply me :

- Sorry yang, my family cant make it, ada cousin kahwin
- Ok la then

Im so sad and cried alone in my room. After that i told my family. My mak look frustrated also. Ayah pun sama. But what to do.. look mcm i yang terhegeh2 nak sangat dengan my bf tu. I geram. Then i went to my cousin's house. To me she is like my own sister. Then he and his hubby comfort me. Coz im so sad... i text my bf that i dont want to continue hubungan lagi. Then after that i cant call him anymore. His phone is off.

Like i said earlier, i love him so much kot. Thats my weakness. After i said i wanna break with him.. i'll try to call him plak.. and when the phone off. I feel uneasy.. im afraid he also dont want me anymore. Stupid of me la. My cousin's hubby said :

-Lelaki ni kalau dia dah suka dengan perempuan, dia takkan pergi mcm tu je dengan just sms dia yg u tanak dia lagi. But if betul he lari je.. mean dia bukan laki yang baik la.

Then i diam. Betul la tu. Then i went back to my house. I still remember i'm fasting at that time. Mak brought Laksa made by my other cousin for me to break the fast. Earlier i told mak :

- Mak, rasanya tak payah tanya lagi la pasal ******** tu, orang dah takde apa2 hubungan da.
- ??, kenapa lak, mak tak suruh pun macam tu..
- Takpe.. InsyaAllah orang takde pape.

Then azan maghrib. I ate laksa. Seriously i just telan semua tu. Semua nya tak rasa pape. Just tawar semata. I buat2 biasa depan mak. Dont wanna make her worried. Nite i try to finish my report. I had to finish my office work during raya..huhuhu.. ni pun satu bala. Then i cannot do anything. I cant focus la. huhuhu. Then i sat on the couch sambil mengadap lappy. Jangan la ganggu kerja i, study i.. Then i try call my bf again... this time he pick up the phone.

- Yang, sorry tadi batery abis. And i tak perasan, abang2 dah sampai kampung. So tak sempat lagi nak call.
- Ermm.. i thot u don want me
- Apa la sayang ni... I tahu u susah hati. And im sorry sbb buat u and ur family mcm ni. Tapi i terpaksa. Sorry

Then i just say OK???? mmg i bodoh bebal la... but only that time i tak nak ruin my life la. I dont think i can ok without him. Entahla...

Then i siap2 pakai baju..

- Mak, nak ikut pi umah makcik Jah
- Ye ke?
- Yup.. i dah ok dengan ***********
- La... ok la tu.. nampak sangat engko sedih tadi.. elok la tu.. jangan pk bukan2. Jom la pegi

So end up, that nite i help mak masak2 masakan yang dia suka sangat di rumah kawan baik dia. And i happy sangat masa tu. huhuhuhu. Rasa beban dah takde.

Note : At last i can finish my report and kepala i tak kusut da... I know im stupid coz always give him an excuse, but trust me.. now i cannot let him go lagi.. Maybe someday..