Falling in love AGAIN

Ermm lately ni i da left this blog behind. This blog is dedicated to wrote down all my sadness and frustration towards my bf. But now.. it turn to be upside down. Huhu.. last 4 months i tried to avoid him, but after that, after he came down to see me. I melt and fall in love again. We just lovey dovey again. huhu... i donno what is going on inside me. i love him so much. Damn la...

Always texting and calling. Saying loving2 word... love u..miss u.. hug u.. kiss u... So i donno la. So now he knew that i cant live without him la kot. Serve me right.. WTF.

Ok la.. donno what to write also. got to go.. just in here to remind me.. i hv this platform to release my stress.

I must be crazy

Erm... macam mana ntah dengan aku ni. I think im crazy enuff la. Elok2 aku buat2 cold with my bf. Now aku da get back ok dengan dia.. all i do now.. is sms him.. telling him.. i love him.. i miss him.. Suck la. Huhuhu.. Selama 3 bulan kot aku bertahan buat cam tu. Now aku da melt balik. Sedih la... Maybe coz im feel so lonely kot. Ntah la.. Aku da tak tahu nak buat pe la. Ikut arus je la. sedih.. am sad.. so sad...

@ Hometown ( Met Bak 1st time )

Last weekend aku balik kampung. Ada urusan penting yang nak kena settlekan. Kebetulan pulak, si Bak balik dr laut. So he want to meet me. Ermm.. aku ok je. Nak jugak aku kenal si Bak ni. How is this person look like.. :)

So Saturday, as promised we met. Yang funny.. he brought anak jiran dia yang form 2. ekeke..Ok la. Maybe he was nervous. And masa aku jumpa dia. Memang he look nervous pun. Dia sangat tak hensem.. mcm sama tinggi je ngan aku. ekeke.. Rendang. Kulit so dark.. maybe sebab kerja dia. Tapi tu semua tak de hal la, yang penting hati kena baik kan?. So kitorang jumpa kat Pizza. Alasannya budak form 2 tu named Kimi nak makan Pizza.. ekeke.. Aku ni teringin la nak makan goreng2 seafood kat tepi pantai.. terpaksa la layan Pizza lak.

Si Bak ni gila cool jugak. Dia mmg jadi diri sebenarnya. Sampai Pizza, dia cakap ngan aku :

Bak : Awak order la pape.. saya dok biasa order2 Pizza ni, 1st time saya masuk ni.
Me : Ermm.. ok la ( Sambil2 belek menu.. and aku order je pape.. )

Hahaha.. so aku lepak and makan2 sambil bersembang. Seperti biasa, aku la control the situation. Dia banyak mendengar daripada bercakap. Tapi daripada soalan2 dia pada aku, semua nampak macam nak pancing info untuk masa depan. Mean.. kalau la aku jadi kawin dengan dia... dia nak tahu samada dia boleh tak ikut life aku ni. Antara soalan2 dia :

- So awak memang berhajat nak duk KL lama ke?
- Uii.. bz ye awak.. so kalau saya pi KL, nak jumpa pun susah jugak la ye..
- Memang tanak jadi cikgu ke? kata cita2 nak jadi cikgu dulu.. sempat lagi kan? ( Knowing lelaki2 mcm Bak ni, cikgu la paling sesuai nak buat jadi isteri.. ahakss)
- So kalau tak raya, awak memang susah nak balik kampung ke?
- Awak nanti nak sambung belajar lagi ke?

Dan ada lagi soalan2 dia dan statement2 dia yang aku rasa dia nak kata :
- Awak tak boleh tukar balik Terengganu ke?

Hehe.. standard la. Tapi apa yang ok pasal Bak ni, dia tak berlagak semua tahu la.. Macam lelaki yang pernah aku jumpa 3 yrs back kot. let me call him "A". Wah.. A ni memang hebat. 1st met je, da suh aku tukar Terengganu. Katanya dia boleh tukarkan aku dengan mudah, sbb dia tahu beberapa politician. Huh.. lucu sungguh. Dia and his mom pun sama je la. Sikit2 nak ckp politik. 1st met aku jumpa tu, terus aku turn off. Aku ckp dengan dia, aku tak boleh dengan dia. Mcm susah. And after that tak sampai setahun, dia kawin dengan cikgu dr KL.. memang betul la,cikgu tu dapat tukar ke kampung aku ngan sekejap je.. hehe.. berkuasa gittew. Then after dapat anak, i heard from my cousin yang keje sama tempat dengan wife "A", mereka divorced. Kata cikgu tu, dia tak tahan hidup with A and his family tu. Ermm.. So diorang takde jodoh yang panjang. Yang kesian is baby tu, baru je lahir da mak ayah bercerai lak. Tapi what to do.. hidup mesti di teruskan juga.

Aku? Masih lagi sendiri. :) Tapi aku percaya jodoh itu rahsia, dan Allah tidak menganiaya hambaNya. Dan sebagai hambaNya, aku kena la kuatkan usaha dan tidak putus2 berdoa untuk kesejahteraan aku dan kaum keluarga ku. Amin...

Cinta Yang Tak Kesampaian

Erm.. detik aku tulis entry ni... adalah detik aku version bodoh yang tak terbilang. Entah kenapa aku masih harapkan lelaki tu. Aku cuba diamkan diri... no sms, no call untuk sehari.. tapi telah 2 malam aku reply him the moment he texting me. Dia mesti tahu kelemahan aku. Kenapa aku yang tak sedar2?

Aku tahu kenapa aku tak sedar2... ni sebab aku sangat mengharapkan dia yang akan menjadi suami aku. Aku sayangkan dia sangat. Perempuan. Sekuat mana pun aku, bila dia bersayang2.. aku cair. Ya Allah... bagi la aku kekuatan. Dah berhari2 aku menangis.. tapi dada aku masih sakit. Aku masih harapkan lelaki itu.

Aku doa sangat, aku boleh ignore him. Just no reply to his text. Aku nak dia tahu yang aku tak perlukan dia lagi. Hopefully malam ni, sekiranya dia masih text aku, aku boleh abaikannya.

Aku kena kuat.. tabah. Perjalanan hidupku masih jauh. Kenapa aku mesti mengharapkan lelaki yang lemah dan tak berpendirian itu. Maybe Allah mahu menduga aku dengan mendatangkan lelaki itu untukku.

Aku teringat dengan kawan ku. Dia berkahwin dengan lelaki yang tak berpendirian jugak dengan harapan lelaki itu akan berubah, namun salah. Lelaki itu langsung tak berubah dan menyebabkan perceraian. Untuk situasi aku ini, aku masih boleh melangkah pergi daripada meneruskan cita2 aku nak bersama lelaki yang konon2 ku sayang sepenuh hati ini.

Aku akan cuba. Ya Allah.. tabahkan dan kuatkan hati hambamu ini. Amin...

My Blur Bf.. Hate u...

Huhu... too many things happend to me.. and my bf is maintain blur. Macam mana tu. Bila i told him about new guy, Bak. He was sad, but... nothing action taken by him. So i guess he did not want to be with me kot. Last nite he text me, he was so frustrated but he did not know the root cause. Ishk.. ringan je jari aku nak reply :

"the root cause is u did not want to commit to our relationship la !!!!!"

Why la i got this blur,heartless boyfriend. Suck. Huh. So now im not in the good mood to discuss with him. Geram la. I love him but he did me like this? Rubbish la.

What is too many thing happend around me? Like i said in earlier post. Mak gave my phone number to new guy name Bak. And now Bak did not call and texting me coz he already went off shores. No signal. Maybe will be back next week or 2 weeks later. I dont know, lupa nak tanya. Then 2 hari lepas mak call me.

"Tengahari tadi, mak pegi mengaji kat surau, jumpa ustazah ni... dia nak cari jodoh untuk anak lelaki dia, Anak dia satu sekolah dengan kau kat S.........A. Boleh ke bagi gambar?

Aku as usual, malas nak ckp banyak. Bagi je la mak.. Do what ever u think is the best for your daughter. Aku dah putus asa kot dengan my Blur BF.

Betul. Itu yang aku rasa. Aku dah putus asa. Aku tak nak pk banyak sangat. Tak guna nak berangan dengan orang yang tak pikir masa depan sendiri. Dia pengecut. Mengelak dari masalah je kejenya kan. So let him be with perangai BODOH SOMBONG tu.

Semalam so bz, so dah cakap dengan mak, jangan la call aku if nak cakap pasal jodoh. I need to finish my job efficiently yesterday. So i dont want any problem arise as i akan rasa distract and cant do work smoothly. Im so tense la.....

Ok la.. Until now no feedback pasal anak ustazah a.k.a my school mate dulu tu. And until now jugak, im lost, yg mana satu la budak lelaki tu. Knowing my ex school dulu ada 3 kelas je masa i form 1-3. But i still tak sure yang mana satu. Nerveous. But y nak kecoh, itu semua perancangan mak-mak je. Yang anak2 ni tak tahu pun. So i reserve my comment on this la. If he called me, then baru aku tulis in this blog.

Tata.

New Guy.. oppsss

Okies... b4 this mak call inform she did gave my phone number to this one guy. Dari kampung. I dont mind la. As far yg mak tau, aku sekarang ni alone.. takde bf. Aku saja je tipu sbb tak nak dia n ayah mengharap. So better dia tahu aku sorang2 now.

Bila this guy call, aku jawab la. Mulanya dia kata aku garang. Erm.. bukan garang sepatutnya bunyinya tegas. Ye la, aku tanya banyak. So dia kata kalau at that time masa dia on the phone dengan aku tu, kalau dia tgh interview keje. Alamatnya dia failed la. :)

Dia ada fb and we exchange account fb. Ekeke.. he is not handsome at all. Tapi the way he talk to me, cam nice person. And aku pun, cantik ke nak org lawa2? hehe. So i tak kisah. Selagi org to being nice to me, i'll act the same way.

So my relationship with my bf, i just put on hold. Until Feb 2012. Dia susah sangat nak bg dateline kan. So this time, aku da sampai ke ujung kesabaran kot. Apa yang dia buat aku untuk for the past 2 years. Mak ayah aku yg sedih tgk aku. Segalanya akan terbongkar Feb 2012. InsyaAllah. For the time being, aku buat biasa dulu. Study aku ada 4 bulan je lagi. Aku akan tgu habis dulu, then will reveal everything. I call the day is D day.

Aku bukan la jahat sangat, but if i do polling site, ask everyone to vote apa yg i buat ni betul ke tak. I bet kalau ada 1000 voters. 999 agreed with me and 1 against. Yang against tu shud be my bf la.

Last nite im soo tired, so i did not do anything. Just sleep, and wake up at 330am to solat. Then i read sms from the new guy. Let me call him "Bak".

Bak : Esok @ 6am i check in ( Kerja dia kat laut )
Me : Ok.. hati2 tau.

Actually, the moment i read the sms, i sedih. Erm.. agak pelik. But i tend to ignore dulu. Baru sembang 3 kali, dah kecoh aku nak feel empty bagai kan. So i just diamkan diri and sent him sms hati2 tu.

This morning i get nasi lemak for my breakfast. :) Semalam aku langsung tak lalu makan. So today.. i just feel released. Y? i also donno y la.. :)

My 1st day

Yesterday was actually my 1st day i started my class. Ermm so tired maaa... but its ok. I hope to finish my study soon.. InsyaAllah. Moga dipermudahkan oleh Nya. My best fren came to Kl. So we just lepaking at our fav coffee house. @ 10 i hd dinner.. sambil minum2 coffee, we just gossiping bout her and mines. Telling each other perkembangan semasa. Maklum be4 we used to share almost every single story. So now, bcoz she's not in KL so when we met, gossip sampai tak sedar semua org disekeliling. Not enough story2 @ coffee house, we cont at my house.

I was about to sleep when our friend called. Actually she called my friend ni. So i just heard. From the facial expression of my best friend ni, mcm tak best. Hati berdegup kencang. @ the coffee house tadi, we did gossiping bout this fren also. I named her as S. S said she found that her current bf hd another girlfren. WTF!!! Jantan ni memang sial. Huh.. masa nak usha S, mcm2 dia usaha ye. At the first place S did not want to be Jantan sial ni nyer gf pun. She said that she is not ready yet. Then my fren asked S how she khow bout this other gf? She said she was read bf's sms. Huhu... And her bf is still sleep in her house. Kalau aku, dah suh Jantan tu blah.. wuaaaa.. Sial sangat. So today mood i nak maki dia puas2.

So pity of S. Ermm... but i just dont know y i feel so hurt. Ermm then i know, it is because i put myself on her shoes. What if my bf yg sengal tu do the same things to me. Of course i lagi takut compared to S. It is coz my bf i far away from me. He can do anything la kat belakang me. I used to check his handphone dulu2, altho i dont smell anything yg pelik2, but when come to think back. Boleh je he deleted all the suspicious sms before met me pun kan. Terus i plak cannot sleep. Very The Emo la plak semalam...huhu.. Ya Allah, hope anything goes well for me.. Amin.

Note : Hope everything goes well today.. InsyaAllah