Falling in love AGAIN

Ermm lately ni i da left this blog behind. This blog is dedicated to wrote down all my sadness and frustration towards my bf. But now.. it turn to be upside down. Huhu.. last 4 months i tried to avoid him, but after that, after he came down to see me. I melt and fall in love again. We just lovey dovey again. huhu... i donno what is going on inside me. i love him so much. Damn la...

Always texting and calling. Saying loving2 word... love u..miss u.. hug u.. kiss u... So i donno la. So now he knew that i cant live without him la kot. Serve me right.. WTF.

Ok la.. donno what to write also. got to go.. just in here to remind me.. i hv this platform to release my stress.

I must be crazy

Erm... macam mana ntah dengan aku ni. I think im crazy enuff la. Elok2 aku buat2 cold with my bf. Now aku da get back ok dengan dia.. all i do now.. is sms him.. telling him.. i love him.. i miss him.. Suck la. Huhuhu.. Selama 3 bulan kot aku bertahan buat cam tu. Now aku da melt balik. Sedih la... Maybe coz im feel so lonely kot. Ntah la.. Aku da tak tahu nak buat pe la. Ikut arus je la. sedih.. am sad.. so sad...

@ Hometown ( Met Bak 1st time )

Last weekend aku balik kampung. Ada urusan penting yang nak kena settlekan. Kebetulan pulak, si Bak balik dr laut. So he want to meet me. Ermm.. aku ok je. Nak jugak aku kenal si Bak ni. How is this person look like.. :)

So Saturday, as promised we met. Yang funny.. he brought anak jiran dia yang form 2. ekeke..Ok la. Maybe he was nervous. And masa aku jumpa dia. Memang he look nervous pun. Dia sangat tak hensem.. mcm sama tinggi je ngan aku. ekeke.. Rendang. Kulit so dark.. maybe sebab kerja dia. Tapi tu semua tak de hal la, yang penting hati kena baik kan?. So kitorang jumpa kat Pizza. Alasannya budak form 2 tu named Kimi nak makan Pizza.. ekeke.. Aku ni teringin la nak makan goreng2 seafood kat tepi pantai.. terpaksa la layan Pizza lak.

Si Bak ni gila cool jugak. Dia mmg jadi diri sebenarnya. Sampai Pizza, dia cakap ngan aku :

Bak : Awak order la pape.. saya dok biasa order2 Pizza ni, 1st time saya masuk ni.
Me : Ermm.. ok la ( Sambil2 belek menu.. and aku order je pape.. )

Hahaha.. so aku lepak and makan2 sambil bersembang. Seperti biasa, aku la control the situation. Dia banyak mendengar daripada bercakap. Tapi daripada soalan2 dia pada aku, semua nampak macam nak pancing info untuk masa depan. Mean.. kalau la aku jadi kawin dengan dia... dia nak tahu samada dia boleh tak ikut life aku ni. Antara soalan2 dia :

- So awak memang berhajat nak duk KL lama ke?
- Uii.. bz ye awak.. so kalau saya pi KL, nak jumpa pun susah jugak la ye..
- Memang tanak jadi cikgu ke? kata cita2 nak jadi cikgu dulu.. sempat lagi kan? ( Knowing lelaki2 mcm Bak ni, cikgu la paling sesuai nak buat jadi isteri.. ahakss)
- So kalau tak raya, awak memang susah nak balik kampung ke?
- Awak nanti nak sambung belajar lagi ke?

Dan ada lagi soalan2 dia dan statement2 dia yang aku rasa dia nak kata :
- Awak tak boleh tukar balik Terengganu ke?

Hehe.. standard la. Tapi apa yang ok pasal Bak ni, dia tak berlagak semua tahu la.. Macam lelaki yang pernah aku jumpa 3 yrs back kot. let me call him "A". Wah.. A ni memang hebat. 1st met je, da suh aku tukar Terengganu. Katanya dia boleh tukarkan aku dengan mudah, sbb dia tahu beberapa politician. Huh.. lucu sungguh. Dia and his mom pun sama je la. Sikit2 nak ckp politik. 1st met aku jumpa tu, terus aku turn off. Aku ckp dengan dia, aku tak boleh dengan dia. Mcm susah. And after that tak sampai setahun, dia kawin dengan cikgu dr KL.. memang betul la,cikgu tu dapat tukar ke kampung aku ngan sekejap je.. hehe.. berkuasa gittew. Then after dapat anak, i heard from my cousin yang keje sama tempat dengan wife "A", mereka divorced. Kata cikgu tu, dia tak tahan hidup with A and his family tu. Ermm.. So diorang takde jodoh yang panjang. Yang kesian is baby tu, baru je lahir da mak ayah bercerai lak. Tapi what to do.. hidup mesti di teruskan juga.

Aku? Masih lagi sendiri. :) Tapi aku percaya jodoh itu rahsia, dan Allah tidak menganiaya hambaNya. Dan sebagai hambaNya, aku kena la kuatkan usaha dan tidak putus2 berdoa untuk kesejahteraan aku dan kaum keluarga ku. Amin...

Cinta Yang Tak Kesampaian

Erm.. detik aku tulis entry ni... adalah detik aku version bodoh yang tak terbilang. Entah kenapa aku masih harapkan lelaki tu. Aku cuba diamkan diri... no sms, no call untuk sehari.. tapi telah 2 malam aku reply him the moment he texting me. Dia mesti tahu kelemahan aku. Kenapa aku yang tak sedar2?

Aku tahu kenapa aku tak sedar2... ni sebab aku sangat mengharapkan dia yang akan menjadi suami aku. Aku sayangkan dia sangat. Perempuan. Sekuat mana pun aku, bila dia bersayang2.. aku cair. Ya Allah... bagi la aku kekuatan. Dah berhari2 aku menangis.. tapi dada aku masih sakit. Aku masih harapkan lelaki itu.

Aku doa sangat, aku boleh ignore him. Just no reply to his text. Aku nak dia tahu yang aku tak perlukan dia lagi. Hopefully malam ni, sekiranya dia masih text aku, aku boleh abaikannya.

Aku kena kuat.. tabah. Perjalanan hidupku masih jauh. Kenapa aku mesti mengharapkan lelaki yang lemah dan tak berpendirian itu. Maybe Allah mahu menduga aku dengan mendatangkan lelaki itu untukku.

Aku teringat dengan kawan ku. Dia berkahwin dengan lelaki yang tak berpendirian jugak dengan harapan lelaki itu akan berubah, namun salah. Lelaki itu langsung tak berubah dan menyebabkan perceraian. Untuk situasi aku ini, aku masih boleh melangkah pergi daripada meneruskan cita2 aku nak bersama lelaki yang konon2 ku sayang sepenuh hati ini.

Aku akan cuba. Ya Allah.. tabahkan dan kuatkan hati hambamu ini. Amin...

My Blur Bf.. Hate u...

Huhu... too many things happend to me.. and my bf is maintain blur. Macam mana tu. Bila i told him about new guy, Bak. He was sad, but... nothing action taken by him. So i guess he did not want to be with me kot. Last nite he text me, he was so frustrated but he did not know the root cause. Ishk.. ringan je jari aku nak reply :

"the root cause is u did not want to commit to our relationship la !!!!!"

Why la i got this blur,heartless boyfriend. Suck. Huh. So now im not in the good mood to discuss with him. Geram la. I love him but he did me like this? Rubbish la.

What is too many thing happend around me? Like i said in earlier post. Mak gave my phone number to new guy name Bak. And now Bak did not call and texting me coz he already went off shores. No signal. Maybe will be back next week or 2 weeks later. I dont know, lupa nak tanya. Then 2 hari lepas mak call me.

"Tengahari tadi, mak pegi mengaji kat surau, jumpa ustazah ni... dia nak cari jodoh untuk anak lelaki dia, Anak dia satu sekolah dengan kau kat S.........A. Boleh ke bagi gambar?

Aku as usual, malas nak ckp banyak. Bagi je la mak.. Do what ever u think is the best for your daughter. Aku dah putus asa kot dengan my Blur BF.

Betul. Itu yang aku rasa. Aku dah putus asa. Aku tak nak pk banyak sangat. Tak guna nak berangan dengan orang yang tak pikir masa depan sendiri. Dia pengecut. Mengelak dari masalah je kejenya kan. So let him be with perangai BODOH SOMBONG tu.

Semalam so bz, so dah cakap dengan mak, jangan la call aku if nak cakap pasal jodoh. I need to finish my job efficiently yesterday. So i dont want any problem arise as i akan rasa distract and cant do work smoothly. Im so tense la.....

Ok la.. Until now no feedback pasal anak ustazah a.k.a my school mate dulu tu. And until now jugak, im lost, yg mana satu la budak lelaki tu. Knowing my ex school dulu ada 3 kelas je masa i form 1-3. But i still tak sure yang mana satu. Nerveous. But y nak kecoh, itu semua perancangan mak-mak je. Yang anak2 ni tak tahu pun. So i reserve my comment on this la. If he called me, then baru aku tulis in this blog.

Tata.

New Guy.. oppsss

Okies... b4 this mak call inform she did gave my phone number to this one guy. Dari kampung. I dont mind la. As far yg mak tau, aku sekarang ni alone.. takde bf. Aku saja je tipu sbb tak nak dia n ayah mengharap. So better dia tahu aku sorang2 now.

Bila this guy call, aku jawab la. Mulanya dia kata aku garang. Erm.. bukan garang sepatutnya bunyinya tegas. Ye la, aku tanya banyak. So dia kata kalau at that time masa dia on the phone dengan aku tu, kalau dia tgh interview keje. Alamatnya dia failed la. :)

Dia ada fb and we exchange account fb. Ekeke.. he is not handsome at all. Tapi the way he talk to me, cam nice person. And aku pun, cantik ke nak org lawa2? hehe. So i tak kisah. Selagi org to being nice to me, i'll act the same way.

So my relationship with my bf, i just put on hold. Until Feb 2012. Dia susah sangat nak bg dateline kan. So this time, aku da sampai ke ujung kesabaran kot. Apa yang dia buat aku untuk for the past 2 years. Mak ayah aku yg sedih tgk aku. Segalanya akan terbongkar Feb 2012. InsyaAllah. For the time being, aku buat biasa dulu. Study aku ada 4 bulan je lagi. Aku akan tgu habis dulu, then will reveal everything. I call the day is D day.

Aku bukan la jahat sangat, but if i do polling site, ask everyone to vote apa yg i buat ni betul ke tak. I bet kalau ada 1000 voters. 999 agreed with me and 1 against. Yang against tu shud be my bf la.

Last nite im soo tired, so i did not do anything. Just sleep, and wake up at 330am to solat. Then i read sms from the new guy. Let me call him "Bak".

Bak : Esok @ 6am i check in ( Kerja dia kat laut )
Me : Ok.. hati2 tau.

Actually, the moment i read the sms, i sedih. Erm.. agak pelik. But i tend to ignore dulu. Baru sembang 3 kali, dah kecoh aku nak feel empty bagai kan. So i just diamkan diri and sent him sms hati2 tu.

This morning i get nasi lemak for my breakfast. :) Semalam aku langsung tak lalu makan. So today.. i just feel released. Y? i also donno y la.. :)

My 1st day

Yesterday was actually my 1st day i started my class. Ermm so tired maaa... but its ok. I hope to finish my study soon.. InsyaAllah. Moga dipermudahkan oleh Nya. My best fren came to Kl. So we just lepaking at our fav coffee house. @ 10 i hd dinner.. sambil minum2 coffee, we just gossiping bout her and mines. Telling each other perkembangan semasa. Maklum be4 we used to share almost every single story. So now, bcoz she's not in KL so when we met, gossip sampai tak sedar semua org disekeliling. Not enough story2 @ coffee house, we cont at my house.

I was about to sleep when our friend called. Actually she called my friend ni. So i just heard. From the facial expression of my best friend ni, mcm tak best. Hati berdegup kencang. @ the coffee house tadi, we did gossiping bout this fren also. I named her as S. S said she found that her current bf hd another girlfren. WTF!!! Jantan ni memang sial. Huh.. masa nak usha S, mcm2 dia usaha ye. At the first place S did not want to be Jantan sial ni nyer gf pun. She said that she is not ready yet. Then my fren asked S how she khow bout this other gf? She said she was read bf's sms. Huhu... And her bf is still sleep in her house. Kalau aku, dah suh Jantan tu blah.. wuaaaa.. Sial sangat. So today mood i nak maki dia puas2.

So pity of S. Ermm... but i just dont know y i feel so hurt. Ermm then i know, it is because i put myself on her shoes. What if my bf yg sengal tu do the same things to me. Of course i lagi takut compared to S. It is coz my bf i far away from me. He can do anything la kat belakang me. I used to check his handphone dulu2, altho i dont smell anything yg pelik2, but when come to think back. Boleh je he deleted all the suspicious sms before met me pun kan. Terus i plak cannot sleep. Very The Emo la plak semalam...huhu.. Ya Allah, hope anything goes well for me.. Amin.

Note : Hope everything goes well today.. InsyaAllah

Call from mom

Yesterday punyala bz.. all the way to my fren's open houses. Makan punya la BANYAK... huhu. So today terus puasa balik. Semalam jugak got a called from mak.

- Mak ada bagi no telefon pada one guy ni, dia nak kenalan dengan awak. Ayah pesan, kalau that guy call, cakap baik2.

Aku ya kan je. Ermm.. Mak and ayah da tak harapkan my bf pun. Aku tau mereka da tanak layan pun mamat ni a.k.a my bf yang lembab ni. So do i pun. Just i dont have any choice now. Aku tau mak n ayah nak sangat aku kawin cepat memandangkan my brother nak kawin bulan 7 tahun depan. Huhu... I feel sad but maybe tu jodoh adik. So i have to accept it.

Untill today, takde panggilan telefon lagi. Aku berdebar. Dalam hati mintak jgn ada call tu. My bf mcm biasa just texting me.. saying that he love me.he miss me.. Just that.. No action nak lebih dari tu. He did not know that aku da tawar hati, family aku da tak ska dia.. Ermm ntah apa la nak jadi ngan bf aku tu. Entahla.

Last week jugak, my so called "friend" suh aku tinggal my bf. Katanya tak de guna tunggu. Dia tak tahu ke selama ni i open my heart pun. Tak de nya aku tgu my bf semata. Huh.. manusia ni pelik. She got prob with his bf, then wanna interfere in my relationship. Perasan bagus pun ye. You just care bout ur relationship, mind our own biz la. Huh.

Hati tenang

Last raya, Alhamdulillah, hati aku tenang, just kekadang tersentuh juga hati. When i saw my cousins with their family, kids all.. :) Tapi, sabar je la. My raya is great la. maybe because adik i turut beraya this year. Da lama she beraya di overseas.

My bf sms me.. asking what im doing.. when...where.. ( and i just replied what he asked, no further question to ask him) No mood to sms him. He just care bout his family. So i dont want to interfere. My cousin ask about my relationship again. And i just said that : Biarla masa yang menentukan, everyday i doa, i solat hajat minta yang terbaik. Allah maha kaya. And apa yang aku kata tu memang dr hati aku. Aku rasa tenang skit berbanding dulu. This raya also i hv no tensed. May be sbb i tak tunggu sesiapa, I dont ever invite my bf dtg rumah pun. Pedulila dia nak beraya mana pun. I know he has relative kat my hometown ni. But i dont even asked pun whether dia dtg sini or not.

Third Raya kot, he sms me. frustrated, his car was excident. Not him. Just car. Someone hit the car. kesian tu kesian jugak. But i think that is his punishment coz make me sad always. :) Jahat kan me.. tapi i just think that. He said his raya so suck.. then i remember my last raya is suck bacause of him. So this time maybe his time to felt what i felt last raya.

I balik Kl and i baik kg pun i never tell him. When he asked, i already arrived at my destination. Donwanna be too attached to him da.. im afraid of feel that i need him so much. Just wanna be cool. Relationship between me and him.. let it go with the flow. If Allah dah tentukan jodoh ku dengan nya. Aku terima. If not, pun aku terima dengan hati terbuka.

Selamat Hari Raya 2011

Kat luar da dengar takbir Raya. Tomorrow da raya. Alhamdulillah. Although my heart feel so empty, but i still have my lovely family. Looking at my friends, cousins sibuk2 siapkan family dengan baju raya anak2, juadah nak sediakan esok. Me? Still alone. Actually no mood at all. Im trying to make my Raya happening. I bought blink2 baju raya to me and my mom and my sister. Try to make my raya terbaik for this year. But i dont think its work. Tengok la esok camne.

Duit raya pun belum masuk sampul lagi. Huhu.. Sad la. Today no sms from my bf pun. Maybe he bz. Funny la that man, dia mcm tak kisah je. Tak rasa ke dia mcm apa yg aku rasa now? Alone? pelik, dah la he dont have his parents anymore, yet he just fine to be alone. Erm...

Dengar takbir raya, i feel more sad la. Ok la. Biar la my bf dengan dunia nya. I dont want to text him pape. Just wanna see if he still miss me. If not. lets both of us keep silent je. Senang semua orang.

Balik Kampung

Yesterday me and my brother balik kg. So now already two days at my hometown.. Happy. My bf just to sms me just now.

-Yang, awk balik kampung bila?
-I da balik semalam.

Maybe he bangang, coz im not telling him. But i have my own reason y im not telling him. I just wanna to have gap kot. Dont wanna be to attached to him sangat. I pernah kecewa setahun lepas coz he broke his promise to come to my house. So this year, i dont want to ask him to come and see my parents., Also i did not invite him for beraya pun. Biar la. Daripada i sakit hati by his rejection. Baik i biarkan je. No invitation pape. senang citer.

While having a conversation with my cousin, she also asking me bout my relationship with my bf. As usual, i also dont have a good answer to her question coz i also dont know my future with him. Sangat kesian dengan idup i ni.

Why my life is too complicated. :(

Chatting with my neighbour

Last Friday, after terawikh, i on my lappy and as usual i like to chat in irc. I chat with one guy 32 year old from KL. Surprisingly, he is from my area and OMG, he is my neighbour. This is my 1st time chat jumpa org sama tempat.

He ask for my FB but i didnt gave it. Im not sharing my FB to my chatter friend. Just adding at YM list je. Then after 10 mins chat, he told me that he alone now, about a year ago, his wife was passed away. The date i chat with him is exactly 1 year his wife passed away.

I terkedu. I tetiba over. I feel sad and try to put myself on his shoes. If i were at his place, what im gonna do. My bf did not reply me during last raya pun i panik. I feel empty. Dia plak wife takde. Meninggal. Takkan dapat balik although menangis air mata darah pun.

Then we chat and chat.. he wanna know me. But when we exchange pic.. both of us tak kenal pun. KL... neighbour satu building pun tak kenal. Although we take same lift. But yet we donno each other. huh.

So tu la 1st time i chat terkena org satu area umah. Funny, i jarang nak sembang with my neighbour. If jumpa in lift pun. just smile2 je. Sekali bila chat with this mamat, we chat about our neighbourhood, house management and many more bout our house.

:)

Sunday

Last nite i cant sleep. Maybe coz of penat sangat. Too much activities during the day until nite. Bake biscuit la plak. So i feel so tired and i cant sleep. Yesterday on the way to Mid Valley, My boyfriend text me :

- Yang, u buat pe ni?

- I nak pi MV, Shopping Raya

- U Nak beli apa?

- Barang2 raya

- Ok.. My sweet.. *****

- I just put Smiley face

- I love and miss u

- I love u too ( I didnt reply miss him.. coz i tak berapa sure, yang i missed him )

Then i just do my things.. Balik, berbuka puasa... and terawikh... bake biscuit... and guling2 on my bed until 4am..i sleep.

This morning, wake up.. no texting from him pun. Biarla, My feeling toward him da kurang kot. Dont bother to text him asking y he didnt sms me like i did dulu2

- B, u tak text i, u tak sayang i lagi ?

- No la sayang, B ada keje tadi. Dont say that

That kind of text i wll send to him dulu if he diam. But no, takpela... If he still miss me, he will text me. Huhu.. Complicated sungguh. My heart is complicated. huhu

My bf is super sensitive guy, me?

Yesterday, just one sms. He sent me morning wish sms. And i replied. Just that. Working as usual. Did not want to think bout him sangat. Just biarkan je.

After terawikh, mata da lowed. On lappy jap, X sempat Alizarin, then terus off sbb tak tahan. Sleep... ( Alizarin? what? Later will write bout it )

515am : Alarm ring for sahur.

Tgk my sony hp blink2 green lite, ada sms :

- Yang... awak senyap je today :( - Sent 12.05am)

I just sat on my bed. Yeah la.. just one sms yesterday... then i reply :

- Salam B, Sahur time :)

Just that and until now he did not text me anything pun. Merajuk kot. He is so sensitive unfortunately he did not care bout my sensitivity also. Since im with him.. banyak I sedih dari gembira.. Tapi itu juga yang i pilih. :( So cannot blame other people la.. the prob is from me.

Last Year's Aidilfitri

Now the story of my previous year Aidilfitri. Last year, my bf promised me to come to my house with his family after i gave him so called "date line". My mak and ayah dah ok. They happy la because my bf will come to my house.

2 days before Raya, i text him to ask la. He also at his hometown, satu negeri with me pun..bukan timur & barat or Utara and Selatan pun. Tak la jauh pun. Then he reply me :

- Sorry yang, my family cant make it, ada cousin kahwin
- Ok la then

Im so sad and cried alone in my room. After that i told my family. My mak look frustrated also. Ayah pun sama. But what to do.. look mcm i yang terhegeh2 nak sangat dengan my bf tu. I geram. Then i went to my cousin's house. To me she is like my own sister. Then he and his hubby comfort me. Coz im so sad... i text my bf that i dont want to continue hubungan lagi. Then after that i cant call him anymore. His phone is off.

Like i said earlier, i love him so much kot. Thats my weakness. After i said i wanna break with him.. i'll try to call him plak.. and when the phone off. I feel uneasy.. im afraid he also dont want me anymore. Stupid of me la. My cousin's hubby said :

-Lelaki ni kalau dia dah suka dengan perempuan, dia takkan pergi mcm tu je dengan just sms dia yg u tanak dia lagi. But if betul he lari je.. mean dia bukan laki yang baik la.

Then i diam. Betul la tu. Then i went back to my house. I still remember i'm fasting at that time. Mak brought Laksa made by my other cousin for me to break the fast. Earlier i told mak :

- Mak, rasanya tak payah tanya lagi la pasal ******** tu, orang dah takde apa2 hubungan da.
- ??, kenapa lak, mak tak suruh pun macam tu..
- Takpe.. InsyaAllah orang takde pape.

Then azan maghrib. I ate laksa. Seriously i just telan semua tu. Semua nya tak rasa pape. Just tawar semata. I buat2 biasa depan mak. Dont wanna make her worried. Nite i try to finish my report. I had to finish my office work during raya..huhuhu.. ni pun satu bala. Then i cannot do anything. I cant focus la. huhuhu. Then i sat on the couch sambil mengadap lappy. Jangan la ganggu kerja i, study i.. Then i try call my bf again... this time he pick up the phone.

- Yang, sorry tadi batery abis. And i tak perasan, abang2 dah sampai kampung. So tak sempat lagi nak call.
- Ermm.. i thot u don want me
- Apa la sayang ni... I tahu u susah hati. And im sorry sbb buat u and ur family mcm ni. Tapi i terpaksa. Sorry

Then i just say OK???? mmg i bodoh bebal la... but only that time i tak nak ruin my life la. I dont think i can ok without him. Entahla...

Then i siap2 pakai baju..

- Mak, nak ikut pi umah makcik Jah
- Ye ke?
- Yup.. i dah ok dengan ***********
- La... ok la tu.. nampak sangat engko sedih tadi.. elok la tu.. jangan pk bukan2. Jom la pegi

So end up, that nite i help mak masak2 masakan yang dia suka sangat di rumah kawan baik dia. And i happy sangat masa tu. huhuhuhu. Rasa beban dah takde.

Note : At last i can finish my report and kepala i tak kusut da... I know im stupid coz always give him an excuse, but trust me.. now i cannot let him go lagi.. Maybe someday..

Why? Why? ( He didnt bring me to see his family)

This is to be happend not so long pun. If im not mistaken, last 2 months. I push him to tell me the problem and why it is so hard for him to take me to his brothers or his family. I really need to know his family la... Then he said something yg memang i rasa i wanna bang her bold head tu.

- Pakcik kat kampung nak jodohkan i dengan sedara dekat kat sana. She is a teacher.
- Bila pakcik cakap macam tu?
- After i met u last 2 yrs....

Wah2... and baru sekarang nak reveal.. im so pissed of with this guy la. He is so secretive la. When i did not tell him what he wanna know.. pandai plak marah. So now? Shut!!! Im so sad, and cried. Bodoh...But i cant help myself la.. my tears easily keluar like hujan..huhu...

- Then u decide, if u want me, u have to stand in front ur uncle..sapa2 la yg bagi cadangan kawin that gurl tu yang u want me la...
- Ok.. thats what i did selama ni..
- So u have to make up ur mind la.. dont make me waiting so long... umur i makin meningkat!!
- I akan usaha lagi.. pls wait for me
- Or we break je la.. U kawin with that gurl
- No i wont... i want u...

End. I geram. Actually i dah cakap nak clash with him. Then he cried. And i cant tahan jugak and cried also. So dramatic.. this is because i love him so much.. huhu.. That would be great if i didnt love him so much, so that anything happend later.. im ok and boleh tahan perasaan ni. huhu

Ya Allah, give me strenght to face all this dugaan...

How He Met My Parent

Now i nak recall balik, how my bf meet my parents. That time tak jumpa at my house coz my mom look after her grandson kat umah my brother. Then my mom masak laksa. Ermm best lak bila teringat laksa tu..huhu..

He promised want to meet them at 8pm. End up i fetched him at Masjid Bangsar coz he sesat. Huhu.. he confused dengan 1 signboard. And when i asked him, he said, signboard is one problem, the major prob is "He nervous". So when he meet mak and ayah, Nampak la, he was so nervous..

Mak & ayah pun like didnt know what to ask him.. funny la. Maybe because this is the first time i bring back my bf. Then my bf pun feel down jugak. He claimed my family tak ska him. Ye ke? No la, mak and ayah said they ok je with him. Look ok je.

At least i bring him to meet my parents after 4 months knowing each other. Im really sincered with him. But im so sad until now, he never bring me and meet his family. I know that his parents were already passed away, but yet, he has brother also live in KL. He actually can bring me to see them. So that i dont feel like now.. Feel like he has a secret or what. Im always wondering, is he a married guy or what? Huhhh.. if it is true.. Memang i sumpah dia 7 Keturunan tak bahagia... Sungguh. I will. Tapi i wont see any Bomoh la.. No such things.. Khurafat.. :)

I used to asked him to give me his ic no all.. and he give me. Until now, i dont do anything pun. Ingatkan nak riki2 Pejabat Agama ke, nak tgk status. But i didnt do it. Tak reti nak start dari mana.huhu... Is he married?? huhuhu

So untill last months, its puzzled me. But then he reveal after i paksa dia.. Will tell in the next entry.

Awal Bercinta- Early Stage

Ok.. tak sampai a day pun i created this blog, i wanna write lagi. Idea tengah melimpah2 and memory is still fresh. So i log in and start this en3. Ok, for the first few months.. i felt so happy by having my bf with me(Altho secara maya coz he is not in KL) but i still happy. Every morning i'll receive good morning text, before sleep good nite wishes.. Ermm love is in the air la katakan. I miss that moment. Sungguh.

Not meant that now i dont receive this all sms's but the quantity is lesser. But i pun not give a hope also. Ada..ada la, if takde.. no prob. To that extend.. :). My heart is complicated. Even me myself, cannot figure out my feeling toward him now. Am i love him like the olds day? or my love dah tawar? ermm.. ntah la.

Dulu, sepanjang hari i in the office, me and him always texting.. but i also make my work done. Just happy texting.. love2 text.. sayang2 all... He will asked what i had for my lunch la.. very the caring one la.. huhu.. And i tak kisah telling him..

-Yang, today i wear baju kurung kuning la... merah la... , i pakai blouse hijau la.. itam la...
-Hari ni, i hv my lunch with all my best fren la..
-Hari ni , i miss u so much la..

All the love2 texting gitu.
Every single things yang he ask, i dont mind telling him. Thats love kot. Dulu2, when i was young, cinta2 monyet, i feel ridicolous, semua pun nak reveal.. maybe i got my ex yang tak kisah nak tanya eveything yang remeh and kecik2 kot. But my new bf ni, he just love to know all bout me. So i just follow his way. Not a difficult things to do pun.

Still remember, When I was shopping at Ikea. At that time, he was at his brothers house near Ikea. So he came and accompanied me, masa tu awal2 bercinta, i Jenis yang walk fast. Just tanak penat sangat. So i memang suka jalan laju to get my things fast and can save time duk lama2 kat sana. Then i noticed he's not with me, but far from me. Then when i wanna go home, i park my car at P2 and his at P1. I amik barang yang dia tolong bawak, Dia tak bagi, and dia hantar sampai ke kereta. Maklumla, i dah lama tak bercinta. B4, everything done by me sendiri.

Then when we out for movie that nite, he said :

- Awak tahu tak siang tadi kat Ikea, Saya just tengok awak dari jauh je. Saya nampak awak masih tak bersedia nak berjalan dengan saya. Awak nampak tak selesa bila saya disebelah. Even masa pegang barang2, awak nak buat sendiri and tak perlukan saya pun untuk hantar ke kereta. Saya ni ur bf kan.. So try la accept saya untuk berada bersama awak-

Sentap jugak at that time. He observed. And i really tak perasan all those things. To me, benda tu remeh sangat je. So from there, i try la buat mcm yang he said to me. Some of my activities kat KL i share with him. Today i kuar with A.. Yesterday i bought new blouse.. Tomorrow i'll plan to masak2 kek... And he love that kind of things la. Sharing. When come to think bout that, logik jugak, if we were not share some activities kami, when we will know each other. Maklumla, jumpa pun jarang sekali.

I wonders how he layan his ex gf dolu2.. Ermm but of course, i cant hold any longer in my mind if i wanna know bout anythings. Then i text him asking bout that. He wont tell at the 1st place, but i push him to tell. Then he said he treat his ex like he treat me now. No wonder la.. Dia dah biasa caring2 ni. Just i je la yang tak biasa.

Thats another 2 years back punyer citer. :) ( For now...will write later) I need to catch my 2 yrs memory and write in here.

Tentang Hati

16 August 2011-Date for this blog to be born..

This can be my blog and my diary nak lepaskan all my feeling kot, hepi or sad.. i will write in here. Actually dah lama nak luahkan. And now, i think i can use this method kot. Thru my blog.

For the start, i will write bout my bf, Now da Ramadhan, when i think it back.. almost 3 years kot i kenal my bf. Yes, i remember, i know him masa i sedang giler ngan chat2 in chatroom. Yup, masa tu, after Raya, i went back to KL. Raya time tu make me cant breathe kot, all the people nak tanya, when will i want to settle down.. find a good man and marry.. have kids all. So its make me annoyed. Terus i balik KL and luckily mak and ayah nak temankan. So we raya at KL. Puasa 6 di KL. I chat with him, and i donno why, i feel very comfortable.. maybe because he dont talk notty like many chatters yang horny kat chatroom tu. So i chat..and chat.. and chat.. till he want to meet me. Erkk.. At that time, me at KL and he was at JB(Untill now pun he's there).

So i just say yes, and agreed to met him. From JB he drove after work. I said i dont want to go out late. So he tried to arrive KL as fast as he can. At that time.. he show me his full effort. huhu.. melt...

First met, not bad la, although im kind of terkejut, he is so tall and big kot. Me? rendah and chubby. Ermm.. Then we just have dinner kat Kerinchi. Makan2. Dia jenis yang tak bercakap banyak. He said to me yang dia memang pendiam. Erkkk.. Then malam tu, lain. He can speak and we just sembang like kenal lama. Maybe because in the chat room we reveal so many things kot. Pasal character masing2, family and banyak lagi. So we dont have any kesukaran masa bersembang.

After that, he went to his brother. So i balik umah. Surprisingly jugak, i boleh naik kereta dia, on the 1st meet altho all my loving friends dah warning me earlier. Im not sure why at that time i feel so tak kisah. Buatnya he is bad person, maybe i dah takde today pun. :(. Jangan la ada org bodoh yang follow my steps ni. I just lucky i met a good guy. No hidden agenda.

After that nite, we met again. And we were out like couple. Ermm.. Too early for us. But like i said earlier, i donno y i jadi camni. Crapssss...

Then when he went back to JB, we still texting, untill one nite tu, we decided to try build love relatinship. :). Hati berbunga riang masa tu. So happy. Suddenly i ada bf. Memang i tak dapat nak describe that moment. One word je.. HAPPY. That was almost 3 yrs back.

A lot of things i wanna write here. Just for the beginning. Thats how i met my bf. will cont.